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Natural versus Unnatural Acts of Violence

Subtext: Explain to me what it means to have Jayne Manslaughter and Tommy Tsunami competing for the most horrendous act of the century.

There is no innocence in the politics of humanitarian assistance. -Unknown

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them. - Mark Twain

You are my hate crime, mine and only mine. Stop looking at me. This experience has become an unnatural disaster. I love you for that. Come over here, so I can beg and then, demand that you leave. Just do it. Do it now. Say something loudly. Often. Only in a horribly dislocated world can we sit back with our Tupperware(tm) bowl of Orville Reddenbocker(tm) popcorn and watch 200,000 souls rise to the Heavens like it is a rerun of the Real World(tm) on Reality Television. Merry Christmas, my dear! Two-hundred thousand people died on the birth of your Chirst, and they were all Muslims. I hope you are happy now, Virginia, with your Santa Clause of destruction and elves of doom. What do you have planned for the encore?

There is an unequal distribution of wealth and disaster in this world. Those who can, never pay for it, and live on the top of the hill. Those who cannot, pay for it until they are dead, and live along the flood,tornado, hurricane, and tsunami plain. My cardboard bedroom is soaked wet, and my ankles are deep in misery. This is the weeping song, a song that won't worry you long. Tomorrow, we will invade another country and kill another 200 thousand people, well, just because we can, and on the next day, we will forecast the doom and gloom that you have made into your shantytown home. Ask me no questions, and I will tell you no lies. Ha! That is the biggest joke of them all.

"As I raise my hand to broadcast my objection. As your latest triumph draws the final straw," sings REM, "Who died and lifted you up to perfection?"

Silence becomes the order of the day, and the meaning behind the law. We begged. "Not today. Not today." Please do not let hatred take me over, again, tomorrow. Will Forgiveness give over the day to Revenge? Love is constantly being drawn into question. Is the exam going to be multiple choice? I wish that everything complicated came down to just true and false in the end.

Chainsaws and rodeo clowns, we raise our glasses in a toast to pay you heed. We could never accomplish our jobs without you. Be good to yourself and don't forget the safety goggles. Here is a little holiday bonus. When getting dressed, always step into your pants, one leg at a time.

"Signals crossed, and love notes lost, we are overwhelmed, just because," sings Mikey Stipe.

I could not agree any more.

"Lock and load, lovers, it is time for you to earn your chow," the burly drill sergeant barks. "Don't let me catch any of you numbnuts trying to catch some shut eye. You sleep, we all die. Always remember, boys and girls, that war is always good! Always good for the victorious!" roars Sgt. Slaughter. "Now, get out there and rape and pillage in the name of God, and all things good enough to be put on sale."

If you are keeping up with the recent mathematical puzzle, try some of these numbers on for size: 1,300,000 people have died, this year, because of the Disunited States of ShameriKKKa's need for war-making, starvation-waiting, and international corporate take-overs. I imagine the spindoctors and hatemongers are happy with the results. Not to mention, they were able to convince us that we reelected this puppet administration.

I was all for voting for the Sesame Street ticket. Kermit, being a Green, would make a great world leader. (Always remember: It is not easy being Green.) Miss Piggy just called, she wants her Kermie to call her back with her cabinet position. Count Countula and Oscar-the-Grouch could only possibly mess up the counting, this bad, if there was a whole mass of underhandedness at play.

I really do not see why you are being so dramatic about all of this. You saw it coming, in your dreams, and later, in your desires. So why is it so difficult now to let it all go, to let the world break into pieces and watch us die like a little boy holding onto the wings of a fly?

The Goddess wants her body back. We need to stop being the cancer, and the chemotherapy; the causality and effect in one. Humanity is just another excuse to skip school, get knocked up, and start all over again. I would wager to bet that she will not be as forgiving or forgetful, the next time around and around, we go. What goes around will come around to catch you right in the face, with a bullet, when you least expect it. Ask anybody with a soul.

"Stop looking at me like that. You never write. You never call. How can I expect for you to be there, when the time comes? An eye for an eye, and a desire for a desire, will die without the breath of fire."

"Now, you are just being silly," she replies. "A night of folly and bold-faced lies has never left me feeling any more hollow than you have done to me, all the times before. Frolicking, and falling under the spell of your gaze, the Princess falls apart and confesses that she, too, is a virginal delicate flower, simply wet and waiting to be plucked."

"Pop my cherry, bitch," she snarls, "Or I will tell everyone on the block that you raped me, and you will be fucked, either way, so you might as well get off, don't you think?"

"Jayne Manslaughter and Tommy Tsunami met one Christmas eve, while the rest of the orphanage was having eggnog and wearing their stickfigure stockings around," the matronly woman says, as she absentmindedly plays with the keyring around her neck.

"I accidentally slid my fingers between your legs," he says, "and suddenly, I am a rapist. You didn't say anything, yet flinched, when I stuck my tongue into your belly button."

"Stop attacking the thing that you are defending," she says, then giggles, before lighting a cigarette from the candles burning, scattered around the room."

"Jayne, I would never leave you here in this desert sphere of emotional cannibals," he replies.

"Do you promise? Triple dawg dare promise that you will never leave me, no matter what happens. Tommy, tell me that you love me."

"Has anyone ever told you that you think too much?"

"Yes, and often."

"Do you believe them?"

"I don't believe anyone, unless I have witnessed them telling the truth with my own two eyes. Lying and deception are much more cooperative bedfellows than anyone else who has stumbled into this gangbang."

"I am not going to suck your cock, if you keep up with this attitude," she says.

It has been another long strange day of unnatural disasters.